Henchmen Will Believe Anything
by Kyle on Ice
Summary: Dr. Girlfriend's niece comes to live with her aunt and uncle while her mother is in prison. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Female Brock? What?

"Who is this girl, and what is she doing in The Mighty Monarch's flying cocoon?" The Monarch pointed to the girl in question, yelling at no one in particular.

"Relax, honey. She's my niece. I told my sister we would look after her while she was in prison." The husky voice of Dr. Girlfriend replied to the melodramatic behavior of her lover.

The Monarch paused for a moment; glaring at the wall.

"Fine! Whatever! TWENTY ONE! Show this girl to-" "Fine. Don't even bother asking her name or anything." Dr. Girlfriend interrupted his order to the bulky henchman. The Monarch let out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fine! Just—just tell me already so we can get this over with!"

"Go on, honey. Introduce yourself." prompted her teenage niece. The girl looked around at the cocoon, taking in the oddity of grown men in butterfly costumes. Finally, with a nudge from her aunt, she replied with her name. "Oh…. Sorry! My…My name is Sharon Parkinson. I….uh….I am seventeen years old…" Dr. Girlfriend made an odd sort of hand gesture towards Sharon; as if reminding her to add something. "Oh, right! Of course! At the suggestion of Aunt Sheila, I have been advised to inform any of you who may hold unsavory thoughts that I am a certified black belt in multiple martial arts; and have held the regional championships in such well-known styles as Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and certain styles of Kung Fu. Among the lesser known styles, I hold national championships in Bokator, Savate, Kampfringen, and Krav Maga."

Sharon kept a straight face; paying no attention to the men of the Cocoon gaping at her.

She was surely no taller than Five foot six; and certainly couldn't weigh anymore than one-hundred and twenty-five pounds.

One would think the henchmen would be accustomed to such unusual characters, but could not fathom the possibilities of this light-weight girl being so heavily trained. Dr. Girlfriend stood there smiling, nodding her head in approval. This knowledge would guarantee none of the henchman messed with Sharon during her indefinitely long stay.

Of course, not **all** of it was true, but the henchmen _were_ willing to swallow just about anything.

"Great! We've established we now have a female Brock! Can we get on with this?" The Monarch snapped. Hearing no reply, he continued with the order he had started giving earlier. "TWENTY ONE! Escort Sharon to the one of the unused guest bedrooms!"


	2. Common Ground

Twenty One stood up from his argument about the Timeline of the Legend of Zelda series with Twenty Four.

Dr. Girlfriend gave him a warning look as he picked up Sharon's bags.

As the two turned to leave, Twenty One looked over his shoulder, only to see the face of a grim looking Dr. Girlfriend and the equally severe looking Monarch dragging his index finger horizontally across his throat and making a slicing noise.

Twenty One gulped. He felt sorry for any henchman stupid enough to lay a hand on this chick.

Walking down the hallway Sharon followed Twenty One to what would be her new bedroom. The awkward silence was weighing on her like a load of bricks and she felt the desperate need to break it.

"So….Uh…Twenty One, right?"

He looked back at her, surprised she'd broken the silence. "Uh…Yeah…" He responded awkwardly.

"Uh….What's your real name? Unless you're not supposed to tell me?"

"No, it's cool. Twenty One is just my rank. My real name's Gary."

Her face brightened slightly that her attempt at conversation hadn't been met with resistance.

"Can I call you that, then? It feels weird calling people by numbers."

"Sure. I get how that can be. You kind of get used to it, but it's nice having someone call you by your real name every now and then."

She nodded.

"So, uh, what's in this suitcase? It's a little light to be just clothes or whatever." He lifted up the suitcase in question.

"Gah! Careful with that! It has my favorite comics in it!" She reached for it, trying to make sure no harm came to them.

His eyes widened as he handed the suitcase to her. "You like comics?"

A humored look crossed her face upon seeing his surprise.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Uh…Well, it's just…You—You're a girl!"

She stopped in her tracks, crossing her arms, raising an eyebrow, and cocking her hip—The classic 'are-you-sure-you-don't-want-to-take-that-back?' pose.

He faltered, realizing his mistake. "Wh-what I meant was-"

She cut him off "It's fine, I understand most girls don't really care for comics."

He nodded, and they continued walking.

"So…..What sort of comics do you have in there?"

"Personally, I prefer alternative comics, so I'm guessing you probably wouldn't be interested."

No one else in the Cocoon really liked comics of _any_ kind, and he really wanted someone he could talk to about comics on an open level. Biting his lower lip, he took a chance. "Try me."

She smiled, having hoped he would challenge her brush off. "Jhonen Vasquez stuff like _'Squee!'_, _'I Feel Sick' _and _'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac'_. Also the _Emily the Strange_ comics. I like '_Psycho Neighbors_', '_Xylophone Lessons_' and '_Apartment 316_' to."

Gary scratched his head. He'd heard of a few of those, but the rest he was drawing a blank on.

"You can borrow them some time if you want."

He nodded "That'd be cool."

They rounded the next corner and found their conversation coming to a close as they had reached Sharon's new room.

"Well, this is it," Gary said as they entered, "What do you think?"

Sharon cringed inwardly. The place needed a lot of fixing up.

The wallpaper was peeling, the carpet was stained, the closet door was hanging on its hinges, and the mattress was bare.

"Uhhhh…"

"Yeah, sorry it's kind of a dump, but the other rooms aren't much better. Hey, where do you want these bags?"

"Ummm…Over there, next to….Is that supposed to be a dresser?"

"I'm….I'm not sure. Well, I'll, uh, go get some blankets, sheets, and pillows for your bed. Uh…I don't think the Monarch has anything planned for the henchmen tomorrow. Me and my friend Twenty Four could help you clean this place up if you want."

Sharon breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh god, yes! Thank you!"

"I'll ask your Aunt about it. If you get bored, my room's across the hall and six doors over, so you can duck in there and play some video games or something."

Sharon's eyes brightened upon hearing this. "Videogames?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, do you not play?"

"No, no, no, no, no! I **love** videogames! What consoles do you have?"

"Right now, only Xbox, PS2, and Wii. I'm saving up for a PS3 and a 360, though."

"Yes!" She exclaimed. She pushed past Gary, picking up one of the bags he'd just set down. She opened it up, revealing that its sole contents were videogames for various consoles.

Gary's eyes widened. Yup. He'd officially just made a new friend.


	3. Around Ten

"I don't care how cool you say she is! I'm not spending my day off doing manual labor!" 24 refused to be volunteered for work on his day off.

"Come on, dude! It's not like you have anything better to do!" 21 protested.

"Exactly! I'm spending the whole day sleeping! And there's nothing you can say that'll stop me!"

"Well, if we're with Sharon, the moppets'll leave us alone, since she's Dr. Girlfriend's niece."

"…I changed my mind. What time do we have to be there?"

"Sometime around ten."

"Ok. Now get out of my room!"

"Psh. Drama Queen." 21 mumbled, walking out of 24's room.

"Oh, yeah! Like the Monarch is soooo much better!" 24 called back.

_**The next day, sometime around ten**_

Gary and 24 stood outside Sharon's door wearing casual jeans and t-shirts. Today was their day off, after all. Although, for some reason, they still wore their henchmen masks…

Gary knocked on Sharon's door.

...

No response.

So he knocked again.

...

Still no response.

And again.

...

Nothing.

The two shrugged at each other.

"Just try the door. She's definitely in there. You can hear some kind of noise coming from the other side." 24 suggested.

"Dude, what if she's naked?"

"Then she would've said 'Don't come in I'm naked'!"

"Good point." Gary conceded, opening the door.

Sure enough, Sharon was in there.

Holding her iPod and dancing around singing along to _DARE_.

Her singing voice wasn't terrible, but it certainly was suited to sing a song like _DARE. _Her voice was off pitch and the lyrics she didn't know she hummed, quickly picking up once they had passed. Her movements were awkward and jerky had one seen the music video for the song, one could easily tell she was attempting to imitate the dancing—with little success.

24 burst out laughing on the spot, startling Sharon out of her embarrassing dance and song.

She froze. Her face reddened at the fact the two had walked in on her during her laughable display.

Gary suppressed an undignified snort "Uhhh—Did you forget about us coming to help you out?"

Sharon crossed her arms, opting to focus on the wall in an attempt to hide her mortification. "N-no. I just didn't think you'd be here so soon."

24 felt the obligation to make a comment "Oh, yeah. You were right. She's soooooo cool."

"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel sooooo good about myself." Sharon stated sarcastically, half-smiling at her own expense.

"Sharon, this is my friend 24. He's kind of an idiot."

"I'll say. I still hang around you." 24 quipped.

"Ha ha." Gary threw out sarcastically.

"Nice to meet you, 24. Thanks for agreeing to help me out today."

"What do you think we should work on first?" Gary asked leaning against what he and Sharon had the other day reluctantly agreed was probably once a dresser.

"Is there anything around the cocoon that can deep clean this carpet?"

"Psh yeah! How do you think we keep the place free of bloodstains?" 24 confirmed.

"Then let's do this!" said Gary

Sharon grinned. Cleaning this dump would be long and a pain in the ass, but maybe it wouldn't be too terrible.


	4. Dinner Time

"Holy Jeezus! How muck frickin' dirt is seeped into this carpet?" Sharon moaned.

"Well, the last time we used this room was when we were holding that one prisoner several years ago." 24 stated, trying to fix one of the light fixtures embedded in the ceiling.

"Oh yeah! Dude, he was so annoying! All he did was complain!" Gary confirmed. At the moment, he was trying to repair the hinges on the door so it wouldn't topple over every other time somebody opened it.

"I know, right? He was always like _I haven't had water in twelve days _or _My stab wounds are infected_!"

Sharon rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. "Uh-huh. Sounds like a real whiner."

They continued cleaning through the afternoon. Around 7:20 pm the moppets walked through the door.

"Oh, Hey Kevin. Hey Tim-Tom. You need something?" Sharon dropped the brush she'd been using to clean the carpet in to a bucket of soap water; turning her attention to the two moppets.

Gary and 21 looked at each other and gulped nervously. Their new friend seemed to share her aunt's naïveté regarding the Murderous Moppets.

"Your aunt sent us down to check on you." Tim-Tom answered.

"Make sure these two aren't giving you any trouble." Kevin glared at the two henchmen.

"We're fine. Tell Aunt Sheila she doesn't need to worry so much."

The moppets snorted.

"Yeah, good luck with that." Tim-Tom mumbled.

"We'll see you later then, Shar." Kevin said. The two moppets left, waving goodbye to Sharon.

"Seeya." Sharon called after them, returning to her cleaning.

Gary and 24 stared at each other, then at Sharon. Sharon felt as if holes were being bored into the back of her skull. She turned around to see Gary and 21 staring at her incredulously.

"What?" She cocked an eyebrow at the two.

"Well, uh, this may surprise you, but…." Gary started "the Murderous Moppets are totally insane! They terrorize the henchmen foe fun, and tell Dr. Girlfriend they're the ones being victimized!"

Sharon blinked a few times. "Yeah, so?"

"Wait, you already know?"

"Well, I'm not surprised, to say the least. They're the ones who taught me how to wield a knife when I was, like, nine. Not to mention like three years ago when Aunt Sheila came to visit they taught my dogs to attack and kill on command."

"You have dogs?" 24 leaned forward, completely disregarding said dogs' ability to attack and kill on command.

"Yeah. Two. Their names are Ginny and Paprika."

"What breeds are they?"

"Ginny is a Spinone Italiano. Paprika is a Lagotto Romagnolo." Sharon removed the rubber gloves she had been wearing. She tossed the brush back into the bucket of soapy water.

"Dude, since when are you so into dogs?" Gary asked 24.

"What's wrong with dogs?" 24 shot back.

"Nothing. It's just kind of weird."

"Yeah, like you obsession with Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Superhero comics isn't."

"Guys, I'm hungry. Why don't we go get something to eat?" Sharon interrupted the quickly escalating argument.

Gary and 24 promptly dropped their bickering, agreeing that they were hungry as well.

In the Cocoon's cafeteria, Sharon noticed a tall, more muscular man. He wasn't wearing the standard henchman uniform she'd seen Gary, 24, and the other henchmen wearing. She squinted at him, scrutinizing his appearance. His costume retained the Monarch's butterfly emblem, so he was obviously one of his underlings.

"Who's that?" Sharon nodded in the direction of the guy she'd been analyzing.

"Oh, that's the new Number One." Gary stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, yeah. Wonder when he's gonna die." 24 thought aloud as they moved through the dinner line.

"What?" Sharon looked to 24 in disbelief. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, being a henchman is a very dangerous occupation. There are plenty of deaths on the job. Some from mishandling weapons, faulty parachutes, plenty are even killed by the Monarch himself." Gary explained.

"But all of those combined don't come anywhere near the number of henchmen who've suffered D.B.S." 24 added.

"What's D.B.S.?"

"Death by Samson."

"Who's that?"

"Brock Samson. He's the bodyguard of the Monarch's archenemy, Dr. Venture. You'll see him tomorrow when the Monarch launches another attack on the Venture Compound."

"I thought Dr. Venture was dead?"

"No, no. You're thinking about Dr. _Jonas_ Venture. This is Dr. _Thaddeus_ Venture, his son."

"Oh. Wait! You never answered my question! Why is that number one guy going to die? I mean, he must be number one for a reason, right? Strong, always prepared, something like that? Besides, you told me earlier neither of you are ever prepared, and you guys have been around awhile, haven't you?"

"Yes, but you see, we don't die. We always luck out."

"Yeah, it's like we're main characters or something."

"…That's stupid!"

"We try not to question it."

As soon as they reached the table, aforementioned number one henchman's limbs began convulsing; then fell face-forward in his food. Dead. Gary, Sharon, and 24 quickly shoved their dinners away.

"See?"

"We totally told you so!" "Ugh. Suddenly I'm not hungry anymore. I think I can wait 'til breakfast." Sharon clutched her stomach.

"I second that." 24 followed.

"Me too." Gary added.

Disposing of their uneaten dinners, they left the cafeteria and four flustered new recruits left to dispose of the fresh corpse.


End file.
